Minding Your P's and Q's

My grandmothers were amazing women. I was lucky to have enjoyed close relationships with both of them well into adulthood. I can thank my mom and dad for marrying as teens and giving me the lovely gift of a vibrant and youthful family. My grandmothers were only 40 years old when I was born allowing me the opportunity to grow up truly knowing who they were as people. I'm very grateful for this.

My grandmothers were both forces to be reckoned with. Proud matriarchs of their family. Both were "strong" women, in character and will. Both suffered much tragedy in their lives. And both cared for their families along with many other families. They were the pillars of strength, on which many depended; the maternal glue that held everybody together.
My dad's mom and I shared a particularly close relationship. She was like a second mother to me. She would be turning 93 next month. A wise, no nonsense, get things done kind of woman. I credit her for inspiring a lot of my passions; my love for cooking, volunteerism, and those old-fashioned things like picnics,and playing cards. She was also responsible for teaching me the finer points of that essential code of behavior learned in childhood - manners.

Grandma was a real stickler when it came to manners. Her endless admonishments to me to never forget to say "Please" and "Thank You" along with instructing me to be “polite” and “Mind my P's and Q's” are forever embedded into the core of my upbringing. You know...that old English idiom known as "Mind your Manners." A mere slip of the tongue was a sure fire invitation for a swift and painful...let's just say rebuke... from this woman who meant business.

My grandmother was a model for many virtues. She taught me how to agree to disagree -without being disagreeable. To be respectful. To be glad for others good fortune even if included my own loss. I was not to be a sore loser. This was frowned upon. Whether it was playing a game or running for student council. And it was about civility. No matter how much I took issue with another I was to be civil and mind my manners.

As many from that generation often did, I remember her saying, "Never talk about religion and politics." It's true I don't have memories of her ever discussing either of these subjects. I learned rather surprisingly, while in her old age, she was a lifelong Republican and I would never have guessed this growing up.

If she only knew how these two subjects,Religion and Politics would come to dominate much of the civil discourse presently. The difference today though is that the "civil" part of that discourse seems to have disappeared altogether.

There's a great deal of wisdom behind Grandma's advice and it wasn't because she was afraid of a good argument per se, it was because she knew what so many from a bygone era understood, that heated discussions on hot topics as these could easily end up disrespecting and offending. To lose a friend or severe a relationship because of a disagreement about politics or religion was inherently wrong. It was a highly regarded principle to not hurt, offend and insult. This was way more important and honorable than the possible negative fallout from an argument. Judging by the personal attacks in the political banter of today.... it's certainly a dying principle.

Hey, I don't profess to be a goody two shoes here and I'll admit I have participated in many “lively” blood pressure raising debates on both topics. Grandma would sadly disapprove of some of my choice of words. I often fall short of the mark- being agreeable...but... I do not have a radio program or TV time slot that reaches millions and millions of viewers. I am also not motivated to be a hate monger by being compensated 20 - 30 million dollars per year for my rants. And as in the case of Glenn and Rush, I am proud to say I am not a recovering drug addict or alcoholic.

I'm fairly confident that both of my grandmother's (God bless their souls) would be absolutely disgusted by the likes of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and the other right wing pundits of present. Why? Because they are rude, mean and insulting. They would be equally repelled at the response of Glenn and Rush at the news that Chicago lost out on it's bid to host the Olympic games in 2016.

As Glenn screeched in delight on his radio program how the news was “so sweeeeet”, the folks over at the Weekly Standard offices cheered that Chicago had lost the bid. When Rush bellowed that the “world had rejected Obama” and “maybe he should have pitched Kenya”… I was appalled. This wasn’t about Chicago, or Obama - this was about America. All of us in unity hoping one of our great mid western cities would have a shot at hosting the Olympic games. After all, even George Bush plugged Chicago as the host city before he left office.

My family is from Chicago, and I thought about my grandmothers and what their reactions would have been. I’m guessing they would have been disappointed like all Windy City natives who hoped they would shine on the global stage participating in such an event. But, my respectful grandmothers would have held their heads high and wished Brazil well because that would be the mannerly thing to do.

The despicable behavior Glenn and Rush exhibited; reveling in the announcement by the IOC that Rio had taken home the prize reminded me of the diabolical way in which a few celebrated on the rooftops after the planes crashed into the World trade Towers. Yes, I realize, that relishing in the deaths of 3000 innocents is pure evil. But taking perverse pleasure in others misfortune as well as the wishful hoping for others failures and misfortune is just as wicked. Is there no code of civil behavior left as a nation for which we all should strive?

How sad when right wing media has become the poster child for bad manners. Let me rephrase that...atrocious manners. The maniacal pleasure expressed by right wing media that Obama returned from Copenhagen empty handed is pretty, well... anti-American when you stop to think about it. Instead of maturely calling the decision what it in fact was - that the IOC decided it was time for the Southern Continent of the America’s to be given a chance to hold an Olympic venue. As disappointing as it was for my beloved hometown and for our country as a whole, it was a sound decision based on excellent reasoning. To somehow make this about Obama's "failure" and seize upon the opportunity to politicize and trash the President is pathetic.

Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh’s hatred for this President and their pernicious desire for him to fail at every single turn (and the obvious lack of manners and integrity) is not only shameful - it's downright embarrassing. These guys are the Reality Show stars of talk radio and Fox News. Millions of fans tune in to see what nasty, naughty thing they will shock their viewers with next. It’s EMBARASSING as a culture and a nation of people.

Insulting fellow citizens of Illinois, Chicagoans, or for that matter the "team spirit" of America. The vitriol coming from the right to smear this President for any reason has clouded their intellectual capabilities as well as the ability to be civil. Manners and principles? They have neither.

Once upon a long time ago it was considered extremely poor manners to gleefully take pleasure in the disappointment of others, to mock, insult or distort the truth. It was considered even poorer form to express hatred and bigotry. It was also widely held that to disrespect the Office of the President was unbecoming. My grandmothers were from a generation where everybody was on the same team even if those teammates had stark differences. They didn’t accept quietly certain types of behaviors that weren’t civil. No doubt that those bullying little boys, Glen and Rush, would have found themselves over a bended knee and given a good sound spanking if my grannies had their way.

It’s not too late to tell them to Mind their P’s and Q’s.

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